Congratulations! Your Spouse Died. Now Say Goodbye to Your Friends!
What I’m about to say will probably ruffle some feathers, but as I’ve learned, life is just too damn short not to say the things that need saying. So here goes.
This is probably one of the most harsh realities of widowhood. I have touched on it briefly in some of my other writing, but after a week or so of feeling sorry for myself and my lack of any social life whatsoever, I decided this topic needed its own article.
I was warned about this phenomenon early on, but quite truthfully I was surrounded by so much love and support that I sometimes needed a breather. People were coming and going…a meal train was started, and even took my vegetarian diet into consideration…cards came in the mail…flowers and plants galore (all of which I managed to kill) were coming in droves…the local paper even did a piece on the situation and my gratitude towards it.
I was and remain very, very thankful for all the support that I received in the beginning. Just as I am grateful for the support I still get.
However, like all good things, much of it came to an abrupt end and left my already crazy head spinning with confusion.
I think I might know what you might say, first. “I tried to reach out but you didn’t want to do anything.”
I didn’t quite feel up for the birthday party or the dinner out. I didn’t feel like a lunch date or weekend trip. And in the case of weekend trips, I have pets and a child, so even if I *had* felt up for it, logistically, it wouldn’t have worked.
I am the sole proprietor in the business of my life these days.
Dead spouses aren’t good at feeding or letting out animals and taking care of adolescent girls. But I digress…
There were things that I could’ve taken pets and child with…but I still didn’t wanna.
I honestly didn’t have it in me.
But I was absolutely sincere when I thanked you for the invite.
And just as sincere when I said “maybe next time.”
Only “next time” never came.
In fact, what followed was quite frankly a huge slap in my mascara-stained face :
Social media unfriendings and lashing out about how I was handling my journey.
Lots of lurkers, with few if any…