Dating a Widow 101…Yes, There Will Be a Test!

The whole relationship will be your test, friends. Oh, yes it will be.

I am not claiming to be an expert at all. Quite the opposite, in fact. I’m still learning how to date.

I have rarely spent time “uncoupled” in my entire adulthood.
This Valentine’s Day was the first time I had been single since my Junior year of high school! That was the last time I actually had a legit boyfriend (not just a fling, or Friend-With-Benefits) that I didn’t wind up marrying.

I recently had my first I-Didn’t-Marry-You boyfriend and subsequent breakup.

Yikes. Breakups SUCK. Why didn’t anybody warn me? (…She says as she disregards pretty much every love song, ever...)

When he and I started talking to each other online, in a way that looked like we might want to try spending some time together, I researched articles about dating widows and such, and sent them to him. I don’t know if he read them or not.

And before I get too far into this, the intention of this piece is not to throw him under the proverbial bad relationship bus. He was there for me during an incredibly tough time, and we both brought our own baggage into the relationship. I am thankful for the time we spent and I have some really great memories of our time together.

We did the best we could.

That being said, if you are even going to entertain the notion of dating a widow, especially one as “new” as I am (It’s only been a year, and it had only been just a few months before he and I got together) you will definitely want to listen to whatever s/he tells you regarding their feelings, the rate at how fast things are going, plans for the future, and a whole lot more.

Just listen.

Don’t listen to speak. Listen to know.

Don’t think you can hurry things along if the Desired Widow wants to go slower than you do, but you think a little extra coaxing to speed things up might help your plight.

(I’m not just talking about the physical stuff here — I’m referring to talks of things that are potentially scary to a widow like MARRIAGE. HAVING KIDS. MOVING IN TOGETHER. All of those big topics.)

If the Desired Widow asks or insinuates in ANY way that those topics are too taboo at present, you must respect those wishes and try not to hurry DW along with…