It goes without saying that staying home in either your pajamas or in your yoga pants (a must have staple) is going to be most comfortable for you, the first little bit of your widowhood. I don’t really know when this phase ends, because that’s where I’m still at nearly eight months later.
And although it also goes without saying that you should NEVER, under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WHATSOEVER attempt to dress up, look nice, (maybe even “sexy”) sometimes you must. You know, for those little reasons like reporting to an actual place of employment or attempt to interact with the general public in places like restaurants, doctor’s offices, your kid’s school, etc., etc.
For those times, you are to simply take your pajamas and / or yoga clothes and select your nicest pieces.
You may comb your hair and wash your face.
Put on a non-wrinkly tee-shirt.
A shower is typically okay, but no perfume.
You wouldn’t want to give anyone the idea that you smell nice.
After all, you are still in mourning.
You wouldn’t want to attract the wrong type of attention by actually smelling pleasant.
“Pleasant” and “Widowed” do not go together. It’s for the best if you learn this early on.
The next one is a little confusing, so try to push aside your “widow brain” (a real thing) and pay close attention. Makeup is not usually necessary because you will probably be crying it all off anyway. However, for those completely unacceptable times in which you will feel a break down coming on at work and have to carry on with your job anyway because hey, life goes on for everyone — except your spouse — keeping a secret stash of basic makeup easily accessible is very necessary, to cover up the fact that you have just experienced a sneak grief wave.
You see, people expect you to have these, and even want you to. They just don’t want to have to SEE it. So let me clear this up if you find it confusing: You cannot look nice. But you cannot look like the wreck you are, either.
People don’t like it. And our grief journey is, of course, determined by everybody…except US.
Let’s assume that you wish to remind yourself what it feels like to be desired again and you dare dress up, get your hair and nails done, wear actual perfume and such. Let me just stop…